I'm getting married in July, and it seems that it's crunch time for decision making. I'm having a hard time picking definitive things that people will see. Oh sure, I had no problem hiring people and picking a place, but why is it so hard to pick an invitation? Why do I have to struggle with making a decision on the style of food to serve at the reception? Normally, I'm the decision maker. I don't waffle. I choose. However, with this whole thing, I'm scared of decisions not melding into each other and creating a uniform feel and experience. With my garden, I can put whatever the hell plant I want in and that'll be the theme for that plot. I don't feel confined. I feel liberated because I got the plant I wanted and can work with it. So what happens if I make 1 decision and then confine myself to that feel or experience or theme?
Tonight I've decided on a "Save the Date" card from MyGatbsy.com. It's the 7x5 Window Jacket Invitation that I'll customize. The colors are going to be pale pink and bold green for the whole shindig, and I think that's appropriate for July and the fact that it's a festive occasion. Pink and green are versatile colors and just plain fabulous.
I think part of the problem I'm having with decisions is that I'm not super keen on the idea of getting married. I'm not afraid of commitment and have considered myself indefinitely committed to my boyfriend of 5 1/2 years. We've gone through lay-off's, grad school (oof), disasters, sick parents, et al. We've been separated for months at a time, and while we're not the most romantic of couples, we're connected to each other and complement one another very well. We have compatable goals, compatable interests, and compatable personalities. I'm firey and ornery and passionate, and he's calm and quirky and empathetic. Of course we both have those same qualities. I'm not totally lacking in empathy, and he's not totally lacking in passion. Basically, we're good for one another and bring out the best in each other. Still, I don't agree with marriage and feel it should be a personal, not governmental, decision.
So why am I doing it? Probably for reasons that I'm not proud of and for practical reasons. I'd like to have children soon, and I don't want the hassle of being unmarried and don't want my children to deal with that. I also would like to have the experience of being married which is something you can't do unless you've done it. I'm also curious about what it means and how it can change and evolve. What does a feminist wedding look like? Is it even possible? I have no idea. I'm worried people won't get what I'm doing. There won't be any handing off the bride - my father doesn't own me and I'm not his to give. I won't be wearing all white because that's a stupid tradition - color is much more fabulous (yes, white is all colors in physics, but it's not what a gardener thinks of color). There won't be any bride's maids or groom's men. There won't be any garter or bouquet throws - you choose your own destiny.
Also, I like parties, and this is a good excuse.